Stereotype Filipinos? Nous? Oh, what the heck. If the shoe fits, we'll wear it anyway for a good yuk. And don't even bother writing those irate letters, folks. Carolyn Castro of Tambuli, the newsletter of Tanghalang Pilipino in Washington, D.C., compiled a list of dead giveaways that contributors e-mailed to soc.culture.filipino on the Internet. We took some of her items and added a few of our own. So, you might be a Filipino if you

• Have a "barrel man" in your house and when you lift up the barrel the wooden man goes shwing!
• Have a Last Supper quilt tacked on your dining room wall.
• Have a "walking doll" that's still new even though it was bought 15 years ago, because your mom kept it in the china cabinet and never let you play with it
• Have an altar or a shrine in your living room.
• Have a "dirty kitchen" in the backyard or garage in addition to your regular one.
• Have an out-of-tune piano which no one in the family ever learned to play.
• Have a "Weapons of Moroland" shield for a wall decoration.
• Have carabao or big fork and spoon wood & carvings in your house.
• Cover your carpeted floors with plastic liners; ditto your mattress and sofa.
• Have a tabo (dipper) and a pail in your bath room; also a pumice stone (panghilod) for scrubbing
• Say "open" or "close the lights."
• Refer to your refrigerator as "pridyider."
• Say "bitch" when you mean "beach."
• Call all chewing gum "Chiclets."
• Have a hard time using prepositions (in, or, at) correctly; say "he" when you mean "she," or vice versa.
• Say "comfort room" instead of "restroom."
• Say"chok-o-late."
• Know what "chocolate meat" is.
• Use your fingers (instead of a measuring cup) to measure rice water.
• Own a "turbo" oven, a karaoke system and a pressure cooker.
• Bought the karaoke system before the stereo.
• Buy crates of Spam, canned corned beef and Vienna sausages at discount clubs.
• Ask for Kraft cheese "made in the Philippines" at the Filipino store (where it's available!).
• Dip fruit in salt before eating it.
• Eat avocado with milk and sugar.
• Eat rice with spaghetti.
• Enjoy pancit and pan de sal sandwiches; also ice cream and bread sandwiches.
• Prefer "instant" to brewed coffee and powdered dairy creamer to fresh milk or cream.
• Peel a char-shiu-bao (siopao) before eating it.
• Use a fork and spoon in a Chinese restaurant and wipe your plate and utensils with napkins before using them.
• Can cut your meat with your spoon.
• Everything you eat is sauteed in garlic, onions and tomatoes.
• Can eat supper for breakfast.
• Have toyo (soy sauce) circles on your tablecloths (also applies to other Asian-Pacific people).
• Have bottles of toyo, patis, vinegar, chilies-in-vinegar and banana ketchup on your lazy Susan.
• Wash and reuse disposable Styrofoam cups, plastic forks and spoons, Christmas wrappers, gift boxes and, of course, aluminum foil (or "Reynold's").
• You try to eject food particles from between your teeth by pressing your tongue against them and making a peculiar noise like "tshick," "tshick," "tshick," or "pphht."
• Nibble a toothpick like dessert.
• Wave that pom-pom on a stick around the food at a picnic table to keep the flies away.
• Turn around when you hear somebody say "pssst.
• Point with your lips when asked where something or someone is; the farther the person or object, the longer you stretch your lips.
• Make the Sign of the Cross when you pass by
• a Catholic church, and only a Catholic church.
• Bow low, put your hands together and point them in the direction you are walking, to pass between other people who are conversing.
• Can say hello by simply raising your eyebrow.
• Answer the phone and a voice squeaks, "Pilipinas calling (your name), will you accept the charges?"
• Have an uncle named "Boy" and an auntie named "Baby."
• Were named after the first syllables of the names of your father and mother joined together, like Jomar and Arlin.
• Automatically shorten people's names even though they're already short.
• Know who Sharon, Kris, Richard, Aga and Vilma are.
• Are standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
• Lug a life-size Santo Nino statue aboard the airplane.
• Make the Sign of the Cross before take-offs and landings.
• Bring baon to eat between in-flight meals.
• Are afraid to go to bed with your hair wet.
• Wash your feet before going to bed.
• Always carry a handkerchief for blowing your nose.
• Arrive one to two hours late to a party-and think it's normal.
• Have a car horn that can make three or more different sounds.
• Have crocheted car-seat covers.
• Have a crucifix or rosary dangling from your car's rear-view mirror.
• Decorate your car's rear window with stuffed animals.